Report: NBA to Replace Central Division with Big East Conference
Chicago, Illinois- In a move that comes as a surprise to few, the National Basketball Association has decided to dissolve the Central division of the Eastern conference, and replace it with the Big East conference of college basketball. According to league sources, commissioner David Stern moved swiftly to “make the league infinitely better” by dismissing every franchise in the division, save the Chicago Bulls.
“We felt that it was more of an addition by subtraction, and then addition again,” Stern said. “It’s simple math.”
The move comes on the heels of a disappointing season for the Central division, where besides the Bulls, no team is likely to have a record greater than .500. Even the Indiana Pacers, who at 27-35 and currently slip in as the eighth and final seed, will be disenfranchised.
“They just suck,” Stern said. “They just flat out suck. And there are so many better teams in the West. It’s kind of indicative of our country, in that everyone is moving west.”
Rumors have reported Pacer-legend Reggie Miller has been seen outside of Steen’s residence, biding his time.
On the other hand, the news comes as a big surprise to one of college basketball’s perennial powerhouse conferences in basketball. The Big East is looking at placing 11 teams in the NCAA tournament, and now have a shot at the NBA playoffs as well.
“To be honest, I didn’t think it was legal,” an undisclosed source from the conference said. “But Mr. Stern, he just has the ability to do whatever he wants, and this is what he wanted. He also said he want’s us to call him ‘Big Poppa’, because he likes it when we call him that.”
When asked about his former team being the only squad remaining, Michael Jordan only had one thing to say.
“I’m coming out of retirement once again,” Jordan said. The announcement to un-retire for his 3rd time is reportedly in an attempt to steal the spotlight once more. He received career advice from longtime pal Brett Favre.
Honestly, if there were a real press release, who would be surprised? With the star players in the NBA literally forcing their way out of small-market venues and choosing friends to ball with, the regular-season decreases in value. On the other hand, when the playoffs finally roll around, who doesn’t want to see overloaded star-studded teams duking it out? It’s good and bad for the league. Sucks to be a team nobody has friends on. Teams are going to start making a big deal about knowing the circle of friends within the association, starting in elementary school. Drafts will feature more strategic picks not by talent, but almost like a political campaign.
And who doesn’t want to see unified college teams have a shot against solo, “my-way-or-the-highway” mentality NBA teams? Most of the college ballers will be in the league the following year anyways, might as well give them an adjustment year.
Moral of the story: Basketball is awesome. Here’s to March Madness and NBA playoffs.
[...] is why I love March. This is why the Big East tournament is worth watching every single year. This is why the Big East is going to replace the NBA’s Central Division. This is [...]
March 10th, 2011 at 3:03 pm